Again. And again. With Aidsy cacti.

The shameless thieves.

But Nando’s sucks arse, eh? Copious amounts of vile, putrid arse. More than MTN, Hotloaf pizzas, al shaworms and Harry Sagara thrown into a manic blender with a tongue in it’s cheek. I’d never have found myself there in the first place if a certain Stray Bird hadn’t lured me with promises of things *ahem-ish* and shopping. She said she’d buy me stuff and also alleged that all writers who’d lunched with in the past her somehow found themselves jizzing best sellers days later.

How they sucked. Their technique:

With enthusiasm and flair, nandos mouthed many shades and genres of restaurant butt that day from their hiccup-y service to their napkinlessness, their watered down tomato sauce to their soda . The only soda i’ve taken  that tastes like ntula is mirinda apple but i swear the fanta tasted like ntula juice.

The stubs that were supposed to be chips (all 15 of them) were coated with a thick brown crust that looked suspiciously like sun-dried mucus. Their chicken, nay, nauseating-pieces-of-miserable-dead-bird had disturbingly undercooked bits. It was oily, bland, raw, gross, hell nobody wants their chicken medium rare!!!

All I gained from this culinary and psychological spit-trip was a cursing relapse (I let my potty mouth lose on the waiters) and a deep deep appreciation for wandegeya chips.

Also, Stray Bird lied. She didn’t give me anything ahemish*, jus a weakish hug and when i tried to write that night, my imp spewed a few lines of bland nonsense and went back to sleep. Frussom!

For realz people. Nandos sucks. Nobody go there.

P.s. I’m not fighting the good fight alone.  http://www.boycottnandos.com/


About Miz. Kyrte

I read, I write, I love. My favorite quote is: We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing. Bukowski, baby! Extremes ;-)


  1. Princess

    Oh wow. I was not aware it was possible to swear so… vibrantly. Noted. Nandos = never again.

    And what the hell is this Mirinda Apple business? Nga me I have never seen it these ends?

  2. “thick brown crust that looked suspiciously like sun-dried mucus”
    There is no better option that to just boycott……Nandos

  3. Yay!! We refuse to be poisoned/ disgusted/ poisoned by our disgust. Death to Nandos. Muahaha.

  4. Princess, I believe soft drink companies make products for specific markets.

    But this beef is phenomenal. I rarely eat at Nandos and have never found anything to complain about. Then again, I rarely complain about food. 🙂

    “It was oily, bland, raw, gross…”

    But oba you’ve made me clock gas…

  5. Good because Nando’s didn’t deserve that gas.
    And this isn’t beef, Mr.King. Tis all true (I have a witness).

  6. Baz

    I swear you chick you are mad kabsa.


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