As I type, the voting half of Uganda is borrowing iPods and light clothes and juice bottles from the chilling half. This less serious half, the chillers club of which I am president is going to be lying around tomorrow, fondling remote controls and muttering about how voting will change nothing, even if they know that the irritableness that has been with them all day has everything to do with the fact that they feel like watery Ugandans for not taking part in what I want to call a charade but won’t.
Important stuff is happening. Big things have been happening for a while now, actually. Things that affect what my life is going to be like in the next 20 years. Or something. I should give a shit, but I don’t. I just cant garner enough interest. The fact that I wish I did is good enough for me. Maybe one day I’ll grow up or something. For now, i’ll limit my giving-a-shit-ness to hanging out on the Idealogue Facebook page that i was added to (without my consent even). Its a start, right?
Intro, CHECK. I always have such bombastic trouble with intros. Now I can launch into my oozing, which will hopefully take some of this wretchedness away. Unglamorous stuff. Shit stains. Over a boy, can you believe. One who is the mascot for Mediocrity. An average joe. One of those who’d read Grisham at 25 (if he was bookish).
Why boys can’t be decent and leave the ending of things to us, I’ll never understand. We know how to behead relationships/ loinal associations/ agreements, etc with flair. With class.
Those things of taking stuff into your hands when you know very well that you’re a bumbling idiot with a personality that would be grey if it were a color is just cruel. Its only fair that I get dibs on putting a full stop to things because I’m clever. I’ll do things so subtley, you wont even notice.
But noo. You just meddle in business that you know nothing about and FWAA I’m left feeling like a wretched little shit. I mean what the hell, man. I don’t want forever. I only want the scissors!
So yea. I’m stewing in a pot of embarrassment (mostly). The fact that I have a wonderful girlfriend who takes it upon herself to feel to feel violently angry/indignant on my behalf whenever such shit happens has made it unnecessary for me to have to wallow in pathos for too long, so yAy.
This wonderful little creature of mine was so incensed, she sent him what was supposed to be a bunch of threats and insults(on facebook) . This is some funnyass stuff. I swear. I don’t even think he took offence. sigh. Here goes,typos and everything.
‘I don’t know how to phrase what i want to say without losing you in the bigness of the insult you little shit. Actually no, you’re the biggest shit. I know I know childish, petty, suck on it.. oh wait.. muahaha.. you can’t … you cunt. You big ass fucking Vahina (vagina in Mexican)! You suck satan’s ass, man. Like a pro. You should write a book.
Also that puppy dog thing look you have going on, its just letting teh world know what emptiness is inside your mu falastic head.
You’re not at all cute and i hope the girl you left with yesto gave you herpes.
Anyway, I’m sorry.
EH. I thought I had said mob. On re-reading it is too little for the bombastic shit that you are.. you deserve more. Here it is.
You are the biggest ugliest smallest dicked man I have ever had the misfortune of knowing a friend who knows you. You motherfucker. I hate you so much.
My God, I swear if you ever come back to (bar’s name) me I swear I will fight you, beat you, embarrass you, I will call you names infront of everyone and I will pull down your pants you non-wearer of underwear. I mean have a little common decency, just going around smelling for everyone.
Anyway I’m lying. I really do have these hateful feelings towards you. And I wont pull down your pants. But I might kick you. In the back.
I find myself still wracked with violent lols, ech a ech a’s (hahas) every time i read it and I’ve had the silly letter for a while. This is the most amusing thing i have read all year.
Or maybe not. Maybe i’m just deriving pleasure from imagining the look on his evil little face. Pinjo.