Aaaargh. Blood.

It beats my understanding, kuchapas it kabisa why tampons are so much more expensive than pads.

For one, they jam clots up my cervix.


In my head, slivers of womb are landing on top of a phallus shaped contraption which has no way of absorbing or even accommodating the bastards, so the clots just pile up and up and up and cause an assembly line of fat blood clots to form from where the tampon is stationed to the top of my cervix, thus making bleeding an even grimmer experience that it should be.

Thinking about this makes me cramp, even more than that stupid S.3 theory that cramps come as a result of great chunks of womb dropping off and horrible wounds forming. Jesus.

And the insertion! Fucking hell. They’re so. So unwieldy. So cottony and gross. Don’t even bring  lube up. I don’t want to know.

And the stupid string that hangs out like a penisette? How is one supposed to pee around the bastard?

They should be apologizing for all their stupid ways by being super cheap. Msw

Days later. Ahem:

Hey! There are instructions. All hail the internet: How to avoid being horribly paranoid the whole day about smelling iffy as a direct result of pEeing on your tampon string which is really just ASKING FOR IT!!


About Miz. Kyrte

I read, I write, I love. My favorite quote is: We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing. Bukowski, baby! Extremes ;-)

5 responses to “Aaaargh. Blood.

  1. Haha…! Never thought there could be so much to hate about tampons. My only regret about tampons is that no one told me about them earlier. Would you rather have the clots sit on a pad for hours and have to pull up the now cold clots on the pad back up after peeing (because the pad hasn’t reached changing capacity)? Gross, I know, but someone has to say it.

  2. Eeeew @pulling up cold clots. EEEEW. I always make sure to change pads more often on my clotting days. But that assembly line, eh? Aah aah. What if the clots fuse and harden into a semi solid mass? Like liver? Shit.

    Where can a girl find a divacup in this KLA oba?

  3. Heheh…your imagination is too wild! I’m sure the cotton in there is very absorbent, zero assembly lines or the liver-like mass would come tumbling down on your poor hand every time you pulled out a tampon.

    As for the diva cup, that’s a whole other story! I shudder at the thought of plopping out the cup, non-chalantly tossing out the contents AND PUTTING IT BACK EEEWWW!

  4. But isn’t that suspicious? Shouldn’t they tumble down? What kind of super duper cotton is that which can absorb fat fleshy pieces of womb? Mightn’t the clots be sticking up there like stalactites? Forming mounds? Mounds that might become malignant?

    Diva cups are kind of gross, yes, but also kind of cool. Imagine that like Pi in The Life Of Pi (Yann Martel, Find it!) you get stuck on the pacific for 227 days on a ridiculously inadequate lifeboat, with only raw fish and turtles for sustenance.

    Imagine that you are desperate and lonely and hungry beyond reason.

    Won’t you thank your lucky stars for your divacup? Because with all that blood, that most likely nutritious blood and fleshy clot-age flowing out of your body,you have a feast!

    Won’t you harvest it all using your diva cup? Won’t you throw that divacup back like a shot of B-52?

    Divacups should be put in all life boats. Along with reading material.

    And you should find The Life of Pi by Yann Martel. It will change your LIFE! (Echo: life life life life…)

  5. Eeeuggh! I just threw up in my mouth trying to imagine the feast. Lemme concentrate on your book recommendation. Mehn!


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