Happy Birthday :)!
What’s up? How are you? What are you doing?
If heaven is anything like what The Lovely Bones described, you’re in things! Your heaven has a HUGE sugarcane plantation behind your house and the sugarcanes are thick and greenish purple with lots and lots of juice.
You have a cat that looks just like Salvie, but because you only like cats when they’re at least 10 meters away from you, she lives in a cat-mansionette attached to yours.
You have lots and lots and lots of flowers, I know. Don’t pluck them all off banange. Leave them in the garden for us to see when we come visiting.
I really want to come visiting, mummy so if you can slip a note to that God fellow…I really want to see you, Ma.
Daniela is so fat, my goodness. That is our number one present to you, mamalai. Your bapalai is huge (in a good way). She grows every single day. But the kyejo! Eh! She pouts when we take long with her bottle and then when we try to put it in her mouth, she spits the milk back at us. Can you imagine? At 1 month and 8 days!
She doesn’t have tety ears like mine. They’re small and lovely and perfect like yours. And everyday, she looks like somebody else! Anyway, Ma, your healthy bapalai is gift number one. Please pidu my baby for me. That one must be four months old now.
Mummy, should I smack Gabby and Joshua when they’re being bad? I don’t want them to take advantage of the tenderness I’m desperately trying to rip from the memories that I have of you. I know I won’t be able to give them that special thick, smothering, heady love that you gave me, but I really want to try. And you know me, I can be very angry and shouty and horrible when I lose my temper. And they give me lots of reasons to go batshit.
So ma, should I smack? Cupped palm, not much pain? Because gabby hates homework. And Joshua just doesn’t listen.
Anyway, back to your heaven. I’m sure you have very nice table clothes. All beautifully knitted and very very clean. And your sofas must be super plush! And that floor of yours must be clean enough for Daniella to lick her milk from.
You have all kinds of fruit trees around your house and your blender is always working and you’re filling six bottles labeled Mildred, Jero, Praise, Joshua, Gabby, Dannie with lots of yumtastic juice, right? And right now, the smell of liver must be driving heaven’s collective nostril mad!
And the matookes! Oh the matooke plantation must be HUGE, mamalai. And I’m sure there are chickens all over the place stealing your paw paws. Please leave for me two matookes in the saucepan. I’ll eat them when I get there. Hopefully soon.
Home is empty without you, mamalai. The house is too huge. The laughs are too few. The echoes are too loud. Home is lonely, ma. I wish I hadn’t spent so much time with my nose buried in a book when you were around. I wish I’d hounded your room like Gabby and Joshua. Anyway, I’m sure you have a huge library in heaven, with many of those Danielle Steels that you love. I’m sorry for not buying that last one. I was so fake, also me.
When I come visiting, I can’t promise that I won’t curl up in your sofa and read and read and read. Because reading in a world without you sucks. It’s not warm and enjoyable.
I need you be around so that I can ignore you. Don’t worry. When you come to my heaven house, you’ll be allowed to sing along to the radio and ignore me as much as you want.
Not paying attention to the people you love is one of the biggest manifestations of contentment. So I miss ignoring you mummy. The world is empty.
But don’t mind me. You party with the angels. For weeks and weeks, you party. Go CRAZY. Swing from the clouds. Jiggle your belly. Do the *shake your buttocks* dance that daddy came up with. And my chikuku neck dance. And DANZOLO! Please do lots and lots of Danzolo dancing. Make the whole of heaven’s choir do danzolo. The whole day.
Haha! That visual is killer. I hope they have the booties to do the dance justice.
Please be near daddy today. In his mind. Make him smile, please.
Don’t play sankarai with those people up there. I’m feeling nugu even. 😦
Let them wait for us to come and then the whole of heaven can play sankarai with us.
I love you very very much, my mummy.
Be happy. And contented. And dazzle heaven with that smile of yours.
We’ll be there soon.